INTRO

Hello readers of the SWD Bugle, todays article is on why proffessorcoke is a dunce penguins can't fly, so let's just jump straight into it!

REDBULL

You may ask yourselves "But what makes regular birds fly?" Well the answer is simple: they drink redbull after birth, and where does redbull come from? That's right, redbull trees. You know what trees are? Plants. You know what doesn't grow on the south pole? Correct again, plants.

For further proof here is an image of a baby bird drinking redbull:

And here is an image of a baby penguin not drinking redbull:

SMALL WINGS

If you look at any regular bird, you will see  that their wings are about 3 fourths the length of the entire bird, sometimes less and sometimes more. However if you look at the wings of a penguin, you see they are about 1 fourth the size of the penguin! PATHETIC! Those microscopic flesh flaps covered in feathers couldn't lift up a snowflake! And definitely not a feather covered column!

THEY ARE LIARS 

Those stupid little columns aren't even birds! They are just humans doing wall sits on the insides of feather columns. It was a type of counter culture started in 2020 and the Illuminati used the moon to imprint false memories into our squishy fleshy electricity containers! Evidence?

Well that's it for today, have a wonderful weekend. Sorry the article was a bit shorter today. And remember: Penguins are liars and bad existing.

Sources:

Dude trust  me

Scientists believe penguins can't fly because they likely had little or no threat from predators in their past. That means they never evolved to fly because they didn't have anything to fly away from. Instead, these birds evolved to become more aquatic to better survive in their habitat.

it's a rant post

shhhhh, I'm right and you're wrong