every time I try to join it times out what is the cause and how do I fix it?

If you are trying to connect to 1.12. Its shut. 1.16.5 server should be open

ok well I'm on forge and they don't have 1.16.5. where do I look for that and under what name?

https://files.minecraftforge.net/net/minecraftforge/forge/index_1.16.5.html There u go