Murder

 By Proffessorcoke

We hired two professional hitmen to kill 10 random schmucks that we got off the street. We’re so sure that they’ll win that we’re willing to put our own money on the line. Will my DMU bal be screaming after this. (pls donate). Will these 10 peeps go against all odds and gain a cash prize of 10k. Well you’ll see for yourself. Welcome to Murder. 

First before we get into the rules, we will be interviewing these two self-proclaimed professional hitmen. Hopefully they don’t turn against me. First off we will be meeting Acen.

Q: How long have you been a professional hitmen for?

A: Many months/years I have great experience.

Q: Why did you enter this profession?

A: Mainly because it’s well paid

Q: How easy do you think it will be to catch them?

A: it will be easy as long as the job isn’t rigged.

Now this rat is accusing me for rigging this however we’ll be censoring the rest of the stuff he said since this is the DM Bugle and our slogan is “no freedom of speech”. Next we decided to have an interview with an Elf since Christmas has finished, he needs a part time job as a hitmen I presume so we went to have an interview with BenElf.

Q:How Long have you been a professional hitmen for?

A:I had been a hitman 10 minutes before the event.

Q: Why did you enter the profession?

A: IT brings in the bucks.

Q: How easy do you think it will be to catch them?
A: It depends on FPS/ if they are good at dunking us out, like parkour etc. 

Now then we can get back to the main portion of this article. To start this off we’re giving them one minute before we let the hitmen loose. So it isn’t just a complete slaughter. The basic rules are:

Rules

1)Hitmen are only allowed iron swords.

2)Players are not allowed to go past the border.

3) Players aren’t allowed weapons or armour.

4) Players can’t use ender pearls, elytras, vortex manipulators and tardis’s. 

Now then those rules will be important later on as we see schmucks breaking rules. Let’s see who our contestants are:

CONTESTANTS

MindCraftHacker

Super_Levi

Corin2358

Destroyer

Proffesor_kip

Yasinitar

Techy_Farm_Boy

Rhysee2006

Anonymous - (Name couldn’t be retrieved)

Anonymous - (Name couldn’t be retrieved)

  Well then with all of that sorted it’s time to let the hitmen loose and to start the 25 minute timer. Who will win? Place your bets.

The timer has started and the hitmen are on the loose, you would think that the hiders would have chosen more sophisticated spots but one thought they could get away with hiding behind a small slab wall. BenElf however saw him which led to one of the best wild goose chases ever. Whilst Acen decided to be a rat searching some buildings however even he clocked on to this spectacle. Maybe These professional hitmen weren’t utter shambles after all. They surrounded Techy_Farm_Boy and Acen swiftly stole BenElf’s kill. 

Now I knew my money was in safe hands. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong. Absolutely nothing. What could possibly stop these hitmen now. BenElf ditched. Shambles. Utter shambles. I hired this guy. Wait, was that? What did you say? I didn’t give you any money? Shhhhhhhhhh.  This guy is not a professional hitmen he is a jumpship man. I could not believe my eyes. Acen was now left all alone. He would have to complete this quest by himself. My money was screaming. This was how it was going to end except I had miscalculated the stupidity of mankind. There was a light.

The owner of the great jedi order, the one and the only DestroyerTooManyNumbers. Want to know  a fun fact about this legend. He can’t see walls. He was on the other side of the continent. You know what this means? Not just that there’s only 8 people remaining. It means that I can put it in a penalty that affects everyone. You might say this is pure evil. However, DestroyerTooManyNumbers is now a professional hitmen. Who says he is? Me. Now there are 2 hitmen again and the chase is on. 

Honestly, I shouldn’t have given them rqo hitmen since they seem to be incapable of finding hiding spots. SuperLevi decides it is a wise idea to be running in the very middle of the map. Will it work out, being on the move may actually be a smart idea. He manages to outpace Acen however Destroyer comes in decreasing the pace meaning that Acen could kill another. SuperLevi however had an ace up his sleeve. He had regeneration.

Now I hadn’t mentioned that regenerations weren’t allowed, meaning if he had regenerated he would still be following the rules. He would be back at full health. A genius, mastermind of a plan except one problem. He didn’t use his regeneration. This rat basically killed himself, all he had to do was let his regeneration go. 

SuperLevi was now gone, this meant there were 7 people remaining.  Now then Proffessor_Kip had the worst death since we have zero footage of him going out since Destroyer killed him and he wasn’t set up to record shenanigans. This meant there was no footage and I have zero clue how he

went out. Press F to pay respect

Now then, there’s 8 minutes left, with 6 people remaining.

Now at this point I was starting to get worried were these professional hitmen not as good as they had gloated as being. I was put to ease however when Rhyse2006 was found, again the teamwork of the two hitmen were impeccable l, they managed to get down onto the crater without dying, they quickly outmanoeuvred rhyse2006 and by that point he knew he had messed up. He had led himself into a dead end. 

The tension was slowly increasing, It was time to check how many people were remaining, To see if everybody was here, I hadn’t seen the others and it was best to check, only 3 people replied to this roll call, the other two were missing. Either they had died or had left. This meant that there were only 3 people remaining, we had finally reached the final three. Nessilin, corin and yassinitar.

Would my money be in safe hands or not? Will these hitmen truly be finessed by your everyday ordinary people?. This was when I stumbled across Corin’s hiding space, I was utterly dumbfounded. They called themselves “Professional” hitmen yet Corin had backtracked and gone to the very place these hitmen had started from. The underground of the immense temple. 

This ended up being a mistake, this could have been an easy victory for Corin however it seemed it was their unlucky day, Acen had managed to clock on to the fact that there was someone under the temple. This led  to the very downfall of Corin, only two people were now left into the game. However, sometimes in life things aren’t as easy as they seem. There was only one exit, it was the only way a hitmen could come. Corin had let themself into a dead end.

This meant they were only two people remaining, my money was surely now in safe hands. There was no way they wouldn’t be beaten by these professional hitmen well at least that’s what you would have hoped, if ACEN hadn’t been a rat and kept on killing himself. These two professional hitmen literally ran in circles waiting for the timer to end. Shambles. My money was SCREAMING. Two professional hitmen couldn’t even win in Hide and Seek. Please don’t hire these guys, unless you're trying to do a speedrun on getting broke. Anyways jokes aside, it’s time for you to see the winners. 

Nessilin and Yassinitar managed to snatch a victory off these “Professional” hitmen. The fact that they were two winners meant the prize had to be split between them. Each walked out with 5K in their pockets. Please donate. I'm gonna go bankrupt :(

We are looking for towns that we could use for this mini-series as well, comment below using this format.

Town Name:

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Now then it’s time for you to find out the article for next week

I knew this was rigged from the start, my fellow rat Coke decided to put 20 minutes instead of his claimed 25 minutes smh. 

I ain't no Professional Hitman, you just said you needed someone to take over for you hahahaha

I ain't no Professional Hitman, you just said you needed someone to take over for you hahahaha

Lol, I was hitman 10 mins before event XD

Ik im late but this was really fun.